PSY 2110 Chapter Notes - Chapter 15: Codependency, Attachment Theory, Advantageous
27 Apr 2018
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CHAPTER 15: CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS
CULTURE AND LOVE
•Romantic love is partly a cultural creation. The culture we are raised in tells us what love is like, whom we
should love and when, and what we should do about love
•contemporary cultures (United States and Japan) consider love a primary basis for deciding whom to
marry
•But in some cultures (India) marriages are arranged; marriage was a pragmatic arrangement that served
social and economic goals of the bride’s and groom’s families.
COMPANIONATE VS. PASSIONATE (ROMANTIC) LOVE
•Companionate Love: Feelings of intimacy and affection toward someone our lives are deeply
intertwined
Deep sense of connectedness
People begin to act as caregivers for one another, leading people to rely on and trust one another
grow over long periods of time - supported by commitment, shared interests and values
Can be experienced in nonromantic relationships, like family or close friends
or romantic relationships
believed to better characterize older couples who have been together a long time. There is still great
affection, trust, and a sense that the relationship is important, but passion is much diminished or absent.
•Passionate Love: A state of intense longing for union with another person
Characterized by obsessive thoughts and overt expressions
The presence of the person brings about heightened physiological arousal
also been described as a madness or a disease and a cause of great suffering, pain, and discord
Some people and cultures may see this kind of love as too dramatic or reflecting codependency
also includes some parent child relationships
involves an emotionally intense and erotic desire to be absorbed in another person
MYTH OF TRUE LOVE: JONATHAN HAIDT
•Modern myth of true love: True love is passionate and intense, and it never fades
If you no longer feel intense passion towards that person, then it never was true love to begin with, and
you should leave that person
Caudate nucleus a reward center activates
•Passionate love eventually fades - Those flaws that were once meaningless now become important
•The Time Courses of Companionate and Passionate Love
Passionate love does not turn into companionate love
Rather, they are separate processes that develop over different time courses
Passionate love can be almost instantaneous, but doesn’t last as long
Companionate love takes substantially more time to develop, but is longer lasting
•Haidt identifies 2 points during the time course where mistakes can often be made
1) When passionate love peaks
2) When passionate love plateaus (where most people leave)
•If true love is the kind of love that underlies a strong marriage, then it must be a combination of the two
Strong companionate love with some added passion
Companionate love is often overlooked because it is not as intense as passionate love
STERNBERG’S TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE
•Love has 3 basic components, which can be combined to produce eight kinds of love
•3 Basic Components; intimacy, passion, commitment
Intimacy: liking, sharing, knowing, and emotional support of the
partner, feelings of closeness, bonding, emotional component
Passion: excitement, sexual attraction, and drive for romance,
motivational component
often develop first in a relationship
Commitment: extent to which the individual is invested in maintaining
the relationship, the cognitive component
more control than other components
•ideal romantic relationship / consummate love has a high level of all
three components
keeping passion over long period of time is the biggest challenge
parent to child relationships
•only passion = infatuation (partner is not well known and there is no commitment to a relationship, lust)
•only intimacy = friendship
•only commitment = empty love (investment in maintaining the relationship, but there is no sharing and no
passion, arranged marriage)
•Passion + intimacy = romantic / passionate love (in love and share knowledge of each other but haven’t
made a real commitment to sustaining the relationship over time)
Document Summary
Culture and love: romantic love is partly a cultural creation. Companionate vs. passionate (romantic) love: companionate love: feelings of intimacy and affection toward someone our lives are deeply intertwined. People begin to act as caregivers for one another, leading people to rely on and trust one another grow over long periods of time - supported by commitment, shared interests and values. Can be experienced in nonromantic relationships, like family or close friends or romantic relationships believed to better characterize older couples who have been together a long time. There is still great affection, trust, and a sense that the relationship is important, but passion is much diminished or absent: passionate love: a state of intense longing for union with another person. The presence of the person brings about heightened physiological arousal also been described as a madness or a disease and a cause of great suffering, pain, and discord.
