CFD 1450 Lecture 7: CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER 7: COMMUNICATION
Gotman (1999) noted 6 signs of problematic marital communication
1. Harsh start up
• got from 1 to 10 very fast
2. The four horseman of the apocalypse
• Criticism:
▪ Attacking someone’s personality or character rather than specific
behavior
▪ Usually with blame
▪ Begins with “you”
❖ “You always…”
❖ “You never…”
• Contempt:
▪ By the intension to insult and psychology abuse your partner
▪ Person has negative thoughts about partner and forgets partner’s good
qualities
▪ Immediate decay of admiration
▪ Insults, name calling, mockery, and hostile humor
• Defensive:
▪ Fundamentally attempt to protect yourself and word of an attack
▪ Understandable reaction
▪ Victim doesn’t see anything wrong about it
▪ Denying responsibility, repeating yourself
• Stonewalling:
▪ Not responding when someone is upset with you
▪ Muttering and changing subject
3. Flooding
• Once your upset about 1 thing, you start bringing up everything else
• Word puking
4. Body Language
• Body’s don’t lie
• Touching, face expressions, rolling of eyes
5. Failed repair attempts
• Someone messes up
• Do something we regret
• Ask for apology and it fails
6. Bad memory
• The memory is bad enough you can’t resolve it
Roadblocks to Communication
• Advising:
o Getting the facts
• Competing:
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