PSY 230 Chapter Notes - Chapter 11: Deinstitutionalisation, Alimony, Married People
Textbook Notes
Chapter 11
Early and Middle Adulthood: Relationships and Roles
11.1 Marriage
Setting the Context: The Changing Landscape of Marriage
Deinstitutionalization of marriage - marriage has been transformed from the standard adult “institution” into an
optional choice
Serial cohabitation - living with different partners sequentially during adult life
Are unlikely to have any marriage goals
Iran: Eroding Male Dominated Marriage
Marriage is the only acceptable life path
Includes provisions suggesting that women are subservient to men
A daughter should be pure (virgin) until she marries, on pain of shaming the family name
After she marries, a wife is expected to obey a spouse
Husbands have decision-making power to dissolve a marriage
Ex-wives are barred from receiving alimony
Man automatically gets custody of the children once they are over a certain age
Iranian women can now initiate divorce proceedings and draw up prenuptial agreements, spelling out
their right on work, can insist on getting half of the man's property if the couple splits up
More women enroll in universities than men
Only about 1 in 5 married Iranian women are in the labor force, women are postponing marriage until
older ages
Iran is becoming a more gender equal nation, where the first stages of the deinstitutionalization of marriage have
arrived
India: From Arranged Marriages to Eloping for Love
Arranged marriages - unions in which parents choose their child's spouse
Elopements - young people run away and get engaged without their parents' consent
Western Variations
United States is still in love with marriage
Roughly 8 out of 10 U.S. young people want to eventually get married
The lack of well-paying jobs is a major reason why many U.S. young people at the lower end of the
economic spectrum never wed
Hard to reach goal is staying married for life
The Main Martial Pathway: Downhill and Then Up
Hundreds of studies conducted in Western countries show that marital satisfaction is at its peak during the
honeymoon and then decreases
The decline is steepest during the first few years some researchers believe that if people make it beyond
four years of marriage, they have passed the main divorce danger zone
U-shaped curve of martial satisfaction - it dips to a low point, couples can get happier at the empty nest, when
children leave the house and husbands and wives have the luxury of focusing on each other again
And at retirement, the curve can swing up even more
Compared to middle-aged couples, elderly spouses fight less
Marital happiness declines sharply during the first four years; for others, it wanes slightly
Researchers found women who held these optimistic ideas to an extreme were at special risk of being
disenchanted, or totally turned off, in the next few years
People who were generally upbeat, they found, were prone to constructively solve marital conflicts
The Triangular Theory Perspective on Happiness
Triangular theory of live - we can break adult love relationships into three components: passion, intimacy, and
commitment
Passion - sexual arousal
Intimacy - feelings of closeness
Commitment - typically marriage, but also exclude, lifelong cohabiting relationships)
Results in 'empty marriages'
People stay together physically but live separate lives
Romantic love - combines passion and intimacy
Companionate marriages - intimacy plus commitment
Best-friend relationships that long-married couples may ave after passion is gone
Consummate love - a relationship that combines passion, intimacy and commitment
It is fragile because with familiarity, passion often falls off
Married couples show lower testosterone levels than their single or divorced counterparts
As couples enter into the working-model phase of their marriage, and move out into the world, intimacy can also
wane
Roughly 1 in 10 people stay passionate for decades
When we fall in love, efficacy feelings are intense
We feel powerful, competent, capable of doing wonderful things
The secret is to continue to engage in the flow-inducing activities that may have brought couples together in the
first place
Commitment, Sanctification, and Compassion: The Core Attitudes in Relationship Success
Commitment - inner attitudes that keep couples hanging in happily together over years
Once force that fosters commitment is believing one's union is sanctified by god
Involves immensely positive emotions
Committed spouses are dedicated to a partner's 'inner growth'
Involves sacrifice, giving up one's desires to further the other person's joy
Intrinsic to sacrifice is compassion, being devoted to the other person’s well-being
Couple Communications and Happiness
During disagreements, women in happy relationships regulate their emotions
They dampen down angry feelings rather than letting the situation get out of hand
Happy couples engage in a high ratio of positive to negative comments
People can fight a good deal and still have a happy marriage
Key is to be sure that your caring comments strongly outweighs critical ones
When the ratio of positive to negative interactions dips well below 5 to 1, the risk of getting divorced
escalates
Happy couples don't get personal when they disagree
When happy couples fight, they confine themselves to the problem
Unhappy couples personalize their conflicts
They use put-downs and sarcasm
They look disgusted
They roll their eyes
Expressions of contempt for a partner are poisonous to married life
Happy couples are sensitive to their partner's need for 'space'
When one person provides too much 'support', that signals a relationship is in trouble
People who sensitively perform the dance of attachment know when to be close and when to back off
Staying Together Happily for Life
Understand the natural time course of love
Be fully committed to your partner
Act on that feeling by being devoted to the person's development and taking joy in sacrificing for your mate
Preserve intimacy and passion by sharing arousing, exciting activities
Be very, very positive after you get negative
Avoid getting personal when you fight
Be sensitive to your partner’s need for space
Commitment is sometimes misplaced
One key to sacrificing is reciprocity
If a relationship is totally one-sided, it's time to reconsider one's commitment and contemplate divorce
Divorce
Couples typically cite communication problems
Once a couple separates, they experience an overload of changes
Need to move or perhaps find a better-paying job
Housework burdens rise, particularly for men
There are the legal hassles, anxieties about the children, and telling loved ones
Divorce can produce emotional growth and enhanced efficacy feelings as people learn they can make it on their
own
Ending a relationship may come as a relief
People in very unhappy marriages did feel liberated after divorcing
Marriage the Second or Third or "X" Time Around
About 1 in 4 U.S. marriages occur between previously divorced partners, and almost 1 in 2 involve a spouse who
has been married at least once before
Document Summary
Setting the context: the changing landscape of marriage. Deinstitutionalization of marriage - marriage has been transformed from the standard adult institution into an optional choice. Serial cohabitation - living with different partners sequentially during adult life. Includes provisions suggesting that women are subservient to men. A daughter should be pure (virgin) until she marries, on pain of shaming the family name. After she marries, a wife is expected to obey a spouse. Husbands have decision-making power to dissolve a marriage. Man automatically gets custody of the children once they are over a certain age. Iranian women can now initiate divorce proceedings and draw up prenuptial agreements, spelling out their right on work, can insist on getting half of the man"s property if the couple splits up. Only about 1 in 5 married iranian women are in the labor force, women are postponing marriage until older ages.
