ANSC 1011 Chapter : Anna S Edits
To: Anna Gill
From: Paige Sylve
Re: 3rd story; “Murder Project”; 8 pages
December 4, 2014
I enjoyed reading your story, “Murder Project,” although I did have some difficulty
getting a grasp of the plot. I found the main protagonist, who remains nameless, rather intriguing.
I appreciate that you did not give your protagonist a gender, nevertheless, I pictured a girl if so. I
felt a little confused at first because the main character is 27 years old in the beginning, but at
time of the murder, she is 21. I got a sense that the murder was a recent project of hers and not a
flashback. Is she still killing for the thrill? Did she get caught? Is she in prison now?
I found the first few pages to be a little repetitive. I suggest either taking some sentences
out or combining them to make your thoughts more concise. For the majority of the story, we get
a sense of your character’s desire to kill and her insight on how to conduct the murder. I really
didn’t feel like the story was written in entirety; I wanted to know the little details like how was
she going to kill and who and more importantly, why. You address that your character has
always been looked at as weird, but why? What does she do that is abnormal to those around
her? It made me interested in finding out what kind of relationship she had with her parents and
friends, even neighbors. You do touch on those relationships lightly without giving us too much
information, but I think some exploration of those relationships would strengthen the character’s
persona to the reader. You use abstract words to describe the actions of characters such as
normal and weird. Instead of that, I would expostulate on those concepts. What makes one
normal? What makes the main character weird?
Lastly, I think what was missing for me was the interaction between the main character
and the victim. We see that the main character studies the victim for the months but when does
actual interaction take place. I would like to get a glimpse of the victim’s personality and what
fueled the main character to kill her. I am also wondering what was the main character’s
childhood like. She seems to have a well-rounded family with morals and values? I may be
reaching but what made her finally click? Overall, I think you have a very interesting story on
hand with great potential when it is cleaned up.
Document Summary
I enjoyed reading your story, murder project, although i did have some difficulty getting a grasp of the plot. I found the main protagonist, who remains nameless, rather intriguing. I appreciate that you did not give your protagonist a gender, nevertheless, i pictured a girl if so. I felt a little confused at first because the main character is 27 years old in the beginning, but at time of the murder, she is 21. I got a sense that the murder was a recent project of hers and not a flashback. I found the first few pages to be a little repetitive. I suggest either taking some sentences out or combining them to make your thoughts more concise. For the majority of the story, we get a sense of your character"s desire to kill and her insight on how to conduct the murder.
